This new way of thinking all started in October 2014, where I had a panic attack at a festival, which resulted in me having to be seen by a group of paramedics to calm me down, as I was convinced I was going to die! After then, it all went down hill. My confidence plummeted, I didn't want to socialise, I spent all my days crying and in bed, I became irritable, and just lost all enjoyment in life. Then it came to me, that I was having a relapse. I suffered from depression since I was 15, so this wasn't new to me. However, for some reason, this seemed to be a much worse spout than usual. Immediately, I rang my doctors, and decided to go home for a bit. They put me on the CBT waiting list, which could take 6 weeks they said. I was furious, and scared. I felt so bad, that I was worried I would do something awful within them 6 weeks, so I decided to go to my University doctors. Even though they were very understanding, they said they couldn't help me as I was already on the Healthy Minds waiting list. Again, I was left infuriated, distraught and panicked. How can they make people with severe depression wait that long for an hour session?!
Luckily, I had friends and family too support me. Even though I couldn't continue working, I still managed to maintain my Uni coursework, and passed it to a good level. Through eating healthily, exercising, and taking part in mindfulness, I started to get back on track again. Christmas and my 20th birthday came, and I was happy as ever. I started therapy, and the CBT therapist was amazing. I was learning how to cope with my depression and anxiety, and put on some anti-depressants. I was feeling optimistic, positive and determined that I could get through this. However, come February, I had an extreme bad turn. I was suicidal, didn't want to be here, and nearly ended up in an ambulance. I would never wish that week that I experienced on anyone. Again, therapy helped me to some extent, but this scare made me realise I needed to change my lifestyle.
Since then, I've been trying to exercise frequently, eat healthier, get out the house every day, meditate and read more. And honestly, it's the best therapy I've had. Yeah, I do have down days or even weeks, but making sure I stick to this regime, I can usually stay sane and positive! I am now finished with CBT (though still on medication), and I'm 10x happier than I was half a year ago. I've decided to come back to blogging, as my Mom pointed out, that writing and blogging was one of the things that made me happy and occupied right before I went on a downhill spiral. So from now on, I'm going to combine these things, and carry on writing, and not what I usually write about (though I might occasionally throw in the odd beauty of fashion post!). I thought I'd start to all share with you what I do with my life now; to keep me relaxed, happy, busy, and a more positive person.